Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Dating a Pilot

So say you stumbled across my blog because you want to know more about dating a pilot. You want to know if they all cheat. You want to know if they all fantasize banging their flight attendants. You want to know if the distance ever gets easier. I say that it is no different than dating a doctor. Yes, some date nurses, yes some cheat at work, but that doesn't make it the majority. Lawyers have paralegals, CEOs have hot secretaries. It is a close environment and it is the people they know and get. It is easy to date someone who is in the same profession. And yes, men and women become infatuated. I'll get to the distance part later.

If your man is a loyal one, then he will fantasize for a moment but eventually the infatuation fades and they are just another face at work. You cannot blame people for being human. I am sure that you have come across people that you have had a spark with and if given a large amount of time together, you may find yourself curious. But that doesn't mean you are going to act upon that impulse. Just like your pilot may not act upon them. Do not through them all into one bucket.

Dating a pilot can be fun. They are impulsive to a fault but that can be a good thing for you. If you were to get benefits you could fly anywhere for a few nights get away. Maybe just go to a theme park for a day, eat oysters in Seattle, and relax on a beach in Hawaii. They don't have work to bring home. Their time off is their time off. And when you spend so much time apart... there is a lot of making up for lost time to do :)

I remember when I first started dating Ace, I didn't care that he was a pilot. It seemed easy. He would be home 3 days, gone for 4, I could live like that. I love my own space and thought that would give us time to miss each other.

Then he got hired as a flight instructor. Which is in another state. This meant weeks at a time apart. First he had to get his new rating. That was 6 weeks of class in St. Louis. Now, after he got his rating and became a certified instructor, he spends anywhere from 1-3 weeks at a time there with very few days in between the next class. Sometimes we get lucky and have 7 days together.

There are so many things that can drive you crazy in this kind of relationship. Communication is the very first thing I can think of. It is easy to get caught up in your own life and put the other person to the side. It is also easy to be the person who is waiting all day just to hear from someone. No matter how strong you are, how secure you are in your own life, sometimes the pilot life gets to you. You hear the guys joking about so and so and the flight attendant he go busted with. You hear about those who lead two lives. You know there is plenty of room for one night stands in that kind of environment and it gets in your head.

What you have to do is evaluate yourself and your partner. Is your pilot the kind that makes you worry? If so, maybe you need to work on deepening your bond or really ask yourself if this is how you want to live. If your pilot never gives you reason to be concerned then you have to do a better job of getting out of your own head. We can create issues that are not even there just by simply over thinking and using our imagination. Your imagination is a powerful tool. You can think of a situation and raise your blood pressure, your body temperature and make your own heart race. You can cause yourself to become physically ill over something that hasn't even happened or may never even be plausible.

I have found myself all over with this. If I am feeling insecure, then you can bet that I am being a bat shit crazy woman for no reason. Then sometimes, I get so busy, I forget to make my pilot feel special. I think that if you are communicating properly and feeding each other's needs, then those insecurities subside and the balance is returned. If one person becomes to selfish and self-involved in a LDR then it is easy for the other person to feel hurt and neglected as well.

Ace and I have talked about love languages. We try to make sure that we are speaking those to each other. He likes words of affirmation and I like acts of kindness. Sometimes we may fall into physical or material but those tend to be if we are feeling insecure and are looking to fill our cup by any means necessary.

Even if you are feeling neglected, do not attack him. Respect him and talk to him like he is your loving partner, explain to him how you are feel empty and what you need. Do not point fingers or blame, after all you have been forewarned how hard this life can be. Be patient and be kind. It is hard on them too even if they do not show it.

One other thing I must mention when dating a pilot is you have to be independent. You cannot rely on him to come home and fix your sink when it breaks or be at blame because he wasn't there when you blew a tire. Become a strong woman who can turn a wrench, mow her own lawn, handle majority of the household crisis. I cannot tell you how many times Ace has told me how re-assuring that is to him. Even me painting my kitchen. He was talking to a group of pilots about it and they were in awe. Their wives/gf would never take on such a project by themselves. I ask, why not? You are just as capable and you find deep satisfaction knowing you are kind of badass on your own.

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